


I'll Be Your Forget Me Not

by orphan_account



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Tag, Episode: 6x09, F/M, Fix-It, Harvey/Mike Endgame, I also hope you like all of Mike's sad memories since the pilot, I hope you like Harvey Angst™, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-08-15 17:32:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8066227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mike gets amnesia the night before he's supposed to get out of prison. He's the only one that's taking it well.





	1. Welcome Back to the Land of the Living

**Author's Note:**

> comments are welcome :)

Seeing the caller ID for Danbury federal prison has become both a blessing and a curse for Harvey. On most days a call from the prison means Mike has found something useful to help his case, and Harvey can’t help but be disappointed that he never calls just to chat. But there are a few days when this call means something terrible has happened and Harvey can’t allow himself to think of the possibilities. Mike is supposed to get out tomorrow and Harvey knows in his gut that this call isn’t going to be a happy one.

 

“Harvey Specter speaking.” He praises himself on keeping a calm voice.

 

“Mr Specter you need to come to the prison right away,” one of the many admin workers tells him, “there has been an incident. Mike Ross is in the infirmary.”

 

Harvey wastes no time in hanging up and calling up Ray to pick him up. This drive to the prison is the worst one yet, because Harvey has no idea if Mike is even alive right now. Frank Gallo’s taunting is playing in the back of his mind, that taunting malicious threat at Mike’s life and all out of vengeance at him. The idea of telling Rachel crosses his mind, but he resolves to stick to their arrangement of not making her worry until it is absolutely necessary. The past few weeks Harvey has been wondering how Rachel has managed to stay away from Mike, to not  even call him, because Harvey sure as hell can’t stay away and he’s not the one engaged to the guy. Maybe after all these years Harvey is finally losing his edge, but he can’t find it in himself to care.

 

As the town car parks in the prison’s barren parking lot night has fallen and the oppressing lights of the prison are doing nothing to calm Harvey down. He exits the car and thanks Ray as he runs into the prison without an ounce of restraint. He braces himself against the admin desk and he knows he must look unhinged but surely that’s not a rare sight around here.

 

“Where is he?”

 

“Who-”

 

“Mike Ross.”

 

The woman at the desk gives him a quick up and down. She’s probably wondering why someone’s lawyer would look _this_ worried over a client being in the infirmary. She glances at one of the guards and next thing Harvey knows he’s being guided through the halls of the prison until he’s in the infirmary. The guard leaves him but waits outside as he closes the door behind himself.

 

Harvey makes his way over to the only occupied bed where he finds a nurse milling around Mike’s body. Harvey notices that Mike is breathing and that there’s no sign of any major injury and it feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. The nurse looks up from her clipboard and startles a little.

 

“Oh! You must be his lawyer. Well you’re in luck because your client here managed to get video evidence of what happened to him.”

 

Harvey blinks and frowns. “I’m here as a friend. Did you say video evidence?”

 

The nurse pauses and the friendship admission, but doesn’t question it. “One of the other prisoners snuck in a cell phone, and Mike here managed to film the whole incident with it. Probably saved his life. The video has been very useful for accessing his condition.”

 

Harvey mentally thanks Kevin for letting Mike use his phone. “Could I see the footage?”

 

The nurse gives him a skeptical side eye. “Sure. It’s open on the computer over there.”

 

Harvey leans against the desk the computer is sitting on and starts the video from the beginning. He sees the back of Mike’s head and FRank Gallo standing in the doorway. Just the sight of the murderer is enough to have Harvey clenching his fist tightly. Mike starts taunting Gallo and Harvey would feel proud if he didn’t know how stupidly dangerous this was. When he sees the knife Harvey holds his breath and Mike struggles to hold Gallo back. The knife seems to not make contact with Mike but Gallo gets enough leverage that Mike falls and a sickening smack is heard off camera. The guards appear in the doorway to drag Gallo away and Harvey knows Mike is unconscious on the floor of his cell. Harvey steps away from the computer and decides that when Mike wakes up he’s going to kill him for putting himself in the way of a murderer.

 

“The only damage he’s retained is the bruising to the back of his head. Like I said, he’s very lucky.”

 

Harvey walks along the bed until he’s standing right by Mike’s head. He can’t help but stare at the man that he has spent the last three weeks worrying over, and at this point he can’t even feel embarrassed about it because he’s reached a point where he cares about Mike Ross so much that he doesn’t care who knows it. The nurse clears her throat and Harvey is shaken from his thoughts by it.

 

“He has a minor concussion as well so once he’s released tomorrow I recommend he focuses on resting and recovering.”

 

Harvey laughs a little at that. “I’ll have to tell his fiancee that.”

 

“Why isn’t the fiancee here?” The nurse has raised a brow in question.

 

“She’s been staying away from the whole situation, trying to stay sane I guess. She probably can’t stand the thought of Mike being in here, I know I can’t.”

 

The nurse opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by a groan from the bed. Harvey looks down and feels a smile pull at his lips as he sees Mike trying to sit up.

 

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” Harvey says softly in case Mike has a headache.

 

Mike is frowning and rubbing his head as he turns to look at Harvey. His eyes roam all over Harvey with all sorts of questions fleeting through his mind. Harvey’s smile drops right off his face at the complete lack of recognition.

 

“Uh...What did I do to get a visit from James Bond?” Mike’s laugh is weak and nervous and Harvey watches curiously as Mike’s eyes are taking stock of the room.

 

“Why am I in a prison infirmary? Scratch that. Why am I in prison?!” Mike’s breathing has become erratic and he’s staring at Harvey pleadingly.

 

The nurse is trying to calm him down , but to no avail. Harvey has already come to a conclusion, but he has to test the theory and it’s going to hurt to do so.

 

“Mike, what’s the last thing you remember?”

 

Mike takes a deep breath. “Can I plead the fifth?”

 

Harvey sighs, he would find this adorable if it wasn’t currently so worrying. “You’re already in a prison infirmary, incriminating yourself isn’t going to make things any worse. Besides I’d never turn you in.”

 

Mike runs a hand through his short hair and shrugs. “What have I got to lose right? I was at the Chilton Hotel to perform a _delivery_ for my friend Trevor, I got chased by some cops down a stairwell and… nothing. I can’t remember anything after that. Did they knock me out?”

 

He doesn’t remember. Mike doesn’t remember meeting Harvey. _He doesn’t remember who Harvey is._ Harvey’s breath catches and he turns away to regain his composure. He steels himself and faces the nurse.

 

“He’s missing 5 years of memory. I have to make a call.”

 

Harvey steps away and dials Rachel’s number. She sounds like she just woke up.

 

“It’s the middle of the night Harvey. Is everything okay?”

 

Harvey glances back at Mike who looks like he’s trying to force himself to remember things.

 

“You need to come to Danbury. Mike hit his head and he’s having memory problems.”

 

There’s a pause as Rachel processes this. “Is he-?”

 

“He’s fine, just get here as soon as you can.” Harvey hangs up and hopes that Mike will recognise his fiancee and magically remember everything.

 

Harvey turns around pulls up a chair next to Mike’s bed. He sits down and braces himself for all sorts of nonsense from Mike. He’s not really sure what to expect since this Mike still thinks he’s a pothead and that Trevor is an adequate friend choice.

 

“I can see you’re dying to ask so just go ahead.” Harvey has to admit he’s a little excited about this. He also can’t help but notice this is the happiest Mike has been when he’s visited him in prison.

 

“How do I know you? Clearly I didn’t meet you through normal means, cos your suit probably costs more than my apartment.”

 

Harvey smiles at the memory of Mike’s old shoebox of an apartment. “I hired you, some would say it's the worst decision I’ve ever made. I beg to differ.”

 

Mike’s eyes widen. “Hired me? To do what? Am I your PA?”

 

If Donna heard that she’d laugh and probably threaten Mike for trying to steal her job. “No. You were my associate for a few years before you got promoted to junior partner. That’s actually why you’re in prison, I’m really sorry Mike.”

 

Mike frowns and is clearly connecting the dots in his head. “So I got arrested for conspiracy to commit fraud? Why are you apologising?”

 

Harvey looks away, they’ve had this argument several times and he doesn’t really feel like reliving them. “It’s my fault.”

 

Mike sighs. “I don’t know why you think that, but you’ve clearly told me this before by how exhausted you sound. Oh shit, I forgot to ask your name. Uh…” Mike has extended his hand towards Harvey.

 

Harvey shakes his hand to humor him. “Harvey Specter.”

 

Mike’s eyebrows jump up. “Damn. Are you a secretly a superhero? With a name like that you should be.”

 

“You like to think of us as Batman and Robin.”

 

Mike grins at that, but his eyes widen as he looks at something over Harvey’s shoulder.  The sound of heels quickly clipping the floor alerts Harvey to Rachel’s arrival. Rachel steps into Harvey’s field of view looking extremely ruffled.

 

Mike glances between Rachel and Harvey looking confused. “Um, hi? I guess you’re one of the other well dressed people I know.”

 

Rachel’s breath hitches and she quickly walks out of the room with her head down. Harvey winces as the door slams behind her. Mike looks like he’s accidentally kicked a puppy.

 

“Did I do something wrong?”

 

Harvey shakes his head. “She’s just upset you don’t remember her. She means a lot to you.”

 

Mike glances at the door then back to Harvey. “In what way?”

 

Harvey pauses. Should he tell Mike they’re engaged? Is it even his place to tell him that? He decides to bite the bullet in case Rachel can’t get herself to tell him the truth.

 

“She’s your fiancee.”

 

Mike’s eyes are so wide and unblinking Harvey’s worried something is wrong with him. Mike makes a strangled noise as he tries to speak and Harvey glances at the nurse nervously. She just gives him an awkward thumbs up.

 

“I-I managed to get engaged? Wow uh… I should probably go comfort her right? Oh man I don’t even know my fiancee’s name! Harvey, what’s her name?”

 

Harvey places a hand on Mike’s shoulder to stop him from trying to get out of bed. “Her name’s Rachel, and you’re not going out there. She’ll see you when she’s ready and you need to rest.”

 

Mike looks like he wants to argue, which assures Harvey that the amnesia is the only problem right now. He stands up and braces himself for a hysteric Rachel as he steps out into the hallway. Rachel is pacing back and forth and the sound of her heels alone is a sign of how worked up she is.

 

“Rachel?”

 

She spins around and is clearly trying to compose herself as quick as she can. “He doesn’t remember me.” She whispers it as if it won’t be true if she keeps her voice down.

 

Harvey doesn’t know what to say besides to agree with her. “I know how you’re feeling.”

 

Rachel’s eye twitches, “How can you possibly know what it’s like to have your fiance not recognise you? To not remember everything you’ve been through! He didn’t even know my name.” She leans against the wall behind her to steady herself.

 

Harvey wants to tell her that Mike may not be his fiance, but it still hurts like hell to have the person he loves most in this world not remember him. Instead he settles for an option that won’t upset Rachel and make her mad.

 

“Mike doesn’t remember me either.”

 

Rachel stares at him for a few painful seconds and Harvey resists the urge to fidget. She turns her head away and stares at the floor heaving out a sigh.

 

“Of course you understand, he spent more time with you than with me.” She faces him and Harvey can’t quite place the look in her eyes. His gut says jealousy, but he can’t believe that when out of the two of them _he’s_ the one that should be jealous. Harvey really doesn’t want to get into this so he does what he does best and gets down to business.

 

“Are you going to be okay with Mike living with you?”

 

Rachel’s brows pull together and the corners of her mouth turn down. “Of course I’m okay with him staying at _our_ apartment. He’s my fiance! Why wouldn’t I be fine with that?”

 

Harvey chooses to ignore to the forcefully possessive language. “I just wanted to make sure you could handle living with him when he doesn’t remember you. He will feel like he’s living with a stranger. He won’t be the Mike you know.”

 

Rachel sighs and some of the tension in the room washes away. “I appreciate your concern, but I will be fine.”

 

Harvey holds open the door for her. “Then why don’t you go talk to him?”

 

Rachel tenses and Harvey can’t really blame her. But she steels herself holds her head high and strides past him ready to introduce herself to her fiance. Harvey doesn’t follow for two reasons. One: he really doesn’t want to hear Rachel’s retellings of her intimate moments with Mike, and Two: he’s afraid Mike would notice his reactions. He tells himself he’s giving them privacy, but he knows he’s lying.

 

Harvey waits in the hall for what feels like hours when Rachel finally emerges followed by a very skittish looking Mike who is now wearing the same suit he was supposed to get married in.

 

“He’s been given clearance to leave early, the nurse said there isn’t much they can do for him that he can’t do at home. They said he should have his memories back within a couple of months, but they have no real way of knowing.” Rachel nods to Harvey as she passes him.

 

Mike stops to address Harvey, but he’s clearly lost as to how. Mike is clearly problem solving in his head and Harvey’s about to taunt him for his scrunched face when there’s suddenly a pair of arms around him. Harvey’s startled, because he’s only hugged Mike one other time and that was not enough to become accustomed to this. He wants to savor this feeling forever, this warm feeling that tells him everything is going to be okay. Harvey gently pats Mike’s back as he pulls away.

 

“Thank you for um, being here? Sorry if that hug was weird, we do hug right? I didn’t ruin our friendship or anything? You just looked like you really needed a hug and-”

 

Harvey has to stop this because it’s messing with his feelings and he’s only recently acknowledged that he does in fact have human emotions. “Mike. It’s fine. Now go home with Rachel, it should help jog your memory.”

 

Mike laughs at that. “You realise how ironic it is for me to have amnesia right?”

  
Harvey laughs but it sounds hollow to his own ears. He follows MIke and Rachel out of the prison and watches as they drive away. He knows he should feel happy, because Mike is free, but it feels like he’s watching him walk into prison all over again.


	2. I Didn't Visit You

Mike wishes he could enjoy the scenery on the drive back into the city, buy it's difficult to focus on anything that isn't his missing memories. His mind keeps going back to Harvey, the guy who should have no association with a train wreck like Mike. And yet he was the first person Mike saw when he woke up and he looked so god damn worried. He still can't believe a guy that looks like that would not only hire him but  _ care _ about him. The thing that is really bothering Mike is why? 

 

“Why did Harvey hire me?” Mike blurts out before he can stop himself. He winces when he remembers that Rachel is his fiancee and she probably wants to talk about their relationship some more.

 

Rachel is understandably caught off guard by the question and takes a few seconds to answer. “You impressed him with your memory and your knowledge of the law.”

 

Mike slumps in his seat. He feels like there should be more to it than that, but he decides to leave it for now. He sneaks glances at Rachel and tries to force himself to remember her, but he just can't. Just looking at Rachel he can understand that he probably became interested in her because she's beautiful, but that doesn't tell him anything about her. From what she had told Mike he now knows that she is a foodie and studying to become a lawyer. Mike only knows the surface of their relationship; the dates, the anniversaries, the fact that they work together. He doesn't know how they work and that is an unsettling thought that is making their lack of connection uncomfortably apparent. 

 

“Maybe if you tell me about some of your visits to the prison it might help. It would be my most recent memory of you right?” Mike smiles. This is a good idea, it could help him and it should cheer Rachel up a bit.

 

It does not cheer Rachel up. In fact she tenses and her grip on the steering wheel tightens. “I didn't visit you.”

 

Mike's eyes widen. Why didn't she visit him? Were they fighting? Did she even call him? Did he shut her out? Navigating these conversations is like skipping through a minefield blindfolded.

 

“Mike. I tried visiting you when you were first admitted but your visitation was delayed for two weeks and then when it was finally allowed I was in the middle of a case. I didn't call you either, I'm sorry. But it was so stressful knowing you were in there and I couldn't deal with it.”

 

Mike nodded pretending to understand. He's probably missing some important context for this to be justifiable to him. 

 

“Did anyone visit me?” He's always felt lonely in his life, but it's really hitting him right now. 

 

“Harvey did. He was acting as your lawyer so you two could figure out a way to get a deal for early release.”

 

Harvey's his lawyer too? What isn't Harvey to him at this point? But this does help him, because if Harvey is his most recent memory then talking to him should help. Mike can work with this.

 

The car stops and Rachel gets out as fast as she can. They’re in a neighbourhood that is unfamiliar to Mike, much nicer than where his apartment is, or  _ was _ . Mike watches from the car as she takes the steps up to an apartment two at a time until she realises Mike isn't following. He gets out of the car and follows her up and he knows that Rachel knows he doesn't remember their home.

 

Rachel collapses onto a couch and watches as Mike makes his way timidly around the apartment. Mike takes in every little detail, but nothing comes to him. It’s like visiting a friend’s house for the first time, it’s welcoming but it is still highly unfamiliar. Until he spots the panda painting on the wall, it's the same one he had in  _ his _ apartment. He turns away from it and wanders into every room, but it's to no avail. It’s a nice house but it isn’t his  _ home _ . When he reaches the bedroom he finds a cellphone on the end table.

 

“It's yours.”

 

Mike turns around to see Rachel watching him. He sees her eyes catching the light and realises she's holding back tears. He opens his arms for a hug and she crashes into him and buries her face in his shoulder. Patting her shoulder in an attempt to calm her, he tries to fight the awkward feeling.

 

“Let's go to bed.”

 

Mike stills and let's go of Rachel, she looks confused until she remembers the situation. Her face falls and she crosses her arms defensively.

 

“I'm sorry I-”

 

“Mike. It's okay. W-we’ll work this out tomorrow.”

 

Mike picks up his phone and backs out of the room. He feels awful when he hears the sounds of sniffling and quiet sobbing as he turns away from her. He's lost his memories and broken someone's heart all within one night, and he really wishes he could just be unconscious again.

 

“I'll sleep on the couch. I'm sorry Rachel.”

 

Mike sets himself up on the couch and finds that he can't sleep despite how exhausted he feels. He feels guilty for leaving Rachel to sleep alone, but he can't share a bed with a stranger. His phone is burning a hole in his pocket and he can't resist the curiosity any longer. 

 

He goes through the photo gallery first, because visual memories should help right? He finds lots of photos of him and Rachel on dates and the usual cheesy couple photos, it's really weird seeing himself doing things he can't remember. He keeps scrolling through the gallery and starts seeing pictures of some offices. There's people in them he doesn't recognise, but they all look important and a few are wearing suits so he assumes they're colleagues. Then he stumbles on some photos of Harvey and based on the angles Mike can tell these were taken sneakily. It's mostly just Harvey working, but there's a few with a beautiful red headed woman pulling funny faces behind him. Mike even finds a few where he's been messing with filters and catches himself giggling at these serious lawyers with cutesy filters.

 

Once the gallery has been thoroughly enjoyed Mike decides his contact list is a good place to check out. He finds that his contacts have been organised into clients and others. He feels an odd twinge of sadness knowing that these clients aren't his anymore. The other contact list is alarmingly short. There's only 5 contacts and he recognises two of them. Donna Paulsen, Harvey Specter, Jessica Pearson, Rachel Zane, and Louis Litt. The names that are missing make him wonder what happened in the last 5 years. He's clearly no longer friends with Jenny and Trevor and he really wants to know what happened there. The absence of a contact for his grandmother is unsurprising because he visits like clockwork and any contact from the care home is done via email. 

 

Maybe going through old text conversations will refresh his memory? As Mike goes to open his conversations he sees that he has one unread message. He opens it.

 

**Harvey:** I miss you

 

Mike stares at it in confusion then he sees that it was sent a couple weeks ago, when he was still in prison. Did Harvey forget he didn't have a phone at the time or was the message for his own sake? Mike scrolls through their past conversations and finds that most of it is work related and means nothing to him. But he notices the odd movie quote here and then and wonders if movie nights are a thing they do.  Before Mike can think about it he's typing out a message.

 

**Mike:** I can't sleep

 

Mike regrets it the second he sends the message when he sees that it's currently one in the morning. He sighs and berates himself as he drops his phone onto his chest. Being shrouded by the unknown and uncertainty of not knowing the people in his life is giving him a headache. His phone vibrates. He picks it up in confusion and sees a reply.

 

**Harvey:** Not used to a normal bed?

 

Mike is surprised that Harvey is even awake at this ungodly hour, but he's more surprised that he replied. If it was the other way around Mike is sure he'd feign sleep.

 

**Mike:** I'm on the couch, but it's probably still better than a prison cot

 

**Harvey:** Did Rachel kick you out of bed.

 

Mike can feel the anger in that text, even tho he's not sure how. Maybe he remembers Harvey's text patterns.

 

**Mike:** No it was my choice. I couldn't share a bed with her. It's just weird, I know it shouldn't be but it is

 

Mike feels guilty for abandoning Rachel, he can't imagine what she's going through. He'd force himself to try and act normal but he knows that would probably make things worse. He’s drowning and he can’t see which way is up, and he doesn’t even know if up is where he wants to go right now. The vibrating phone pulls him back from his mind and anchors him back to the present.

 

**Harvey:** Are you uncomfortable living with a stranger?

 

**Mike:** I'm uncomfortable living with a stranger that is supposed to be my fiancee

 

Mike still isn't sure what Harvey is to him, for all he knows this is a way more personal conversation than they're used to. He hopes he isn't crossing any lines.

 

**Harvey:** Do you want to stay somewhere else?

 

Mike can't help the instinctive need to turn this into a joke.

 

**Mike:** You offering?

 

Mike smacks himself in the face. Why did he say that? If he hadn't crossed a line before he definitely has now. He hopes he somehow forgets this embarrassment when his memories return.

 

**Harvey:** Yes.

 

Mike stares at his phone in disbelief. Maybe this is normal for them? They could be the type of friends to have sleepovers right? Or were they something more at one point? Not knowing his personal relationships is officially the worst part of losing his memories. 

 

**Mike:** Is it gonna be a sleepover? Are we gonna braid each other's hair and gossip?

 

He hopes the joke diffuses any awkwardness Harvey may be feeling.

 

**Harvey:** I'm not letting you touch my hair. You need to tell Rachel.

 

Mike knows Harvey is right, he can't just walk out on Rachel that wouldn't be fair. Dread coils in his gut like a lead weight and it's making him feel sick.

 

**Mike:** I don't think I can tell her. Goodnight Harvey 

 

**Harvey:** I'll discuss it with Rachel tomorrow.  Goodnight Mike.


	3. I Wasn't His First Choice

Even if Mike hadn't started texting him in the middle of the night Harvey wouldn't have slept anyway. So when he gets into work looking worn down and exhausted no one should be surprised, and yet as he passes Donna’s desk he hears her stand up and follow him into his office. He sits down at his desk and prepares himself for a classic Donna interrogation. He doesn’t meet her eyes and pretends to be going about his business and checking emails.

 

“Harvey.”

 

“Yes?” He still doesn’t look up.

 

“What happened?”

 

Harvey looks up and sees that Donna looks genuinely worried and actually doesn’t know what’s bothering him. He’s not used to Donna not instantly figuring out what’s happening, and since she clearly doesn’t know it means Rachel hasn’t told her either.

 

“Rachel didn’t tell you?”

 

Donna looks worried at that. “She said Mike was in the infirmary yesterday and that she was there with you. He went home with her yesterday. But that doesn’t tell me what’s wrong with you.”

 

Harvey knows he has to tell her what’s happening with Mike, but saying it out loud would mean acknowledging it and Harvey isn’t sure he’s ready for it. Donna’s doing that thing where she’s clearly searching his expression for clues and signs of weakness.

 

“Mike has amnesia.” It hurts to say it, and he briefly feels like he can’t breathe.

 

Donna steps back, like the information itself is trying to push her over. Harvey watches as her eyes fill with shock, then panic, then concern, and then a calculating calm.

 

“How much has he forgotten?”

 

“Everything up to the point where he ran into that interview and you gave him the all clear.”

 

Harvey hates it when anyone looks at him with pity, but he can’t find it in himself to tell Donna to knock it off right now.

 

“Harvey, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Well his disbelief at knowing someone like me is almost endearing enough to make up for it.”

 

Donna smiles at that, but it falls away when a thought crosses her mind.

 

“How is Rachel taking this?”

 

Harvey’s not sure how to answer that, because how could anyone be okay with being forgotten by the person you love the same day they were getting out of prison? But he never gets the chance to answer, because he catches movement by the elevators and catches Rachel heading their way with a very lost Mike in tow.

 

“You can ask her yourself.”

 

Donna spins around right as Rachel and Mike reach her desk. She walks over to greet them, and Harvey follows behind quickly, because he doesn’t want to miss anything important. As he makes his way to Donna’s desk he catches Mike staring at his office in awe, and he looks like a kid in a candy shop.

 

“Is this an office or a museum?” Mike has his usual cheeky grin on his face whenever he makes a witty remark.

 

Harvey smiles at that. “Do you want to be charged for admission?”

 

Donna holds out her hand for Mike. “I’m Donna, and yes I’m the best person you know.”

 

Harvey raises a brow at the hint of recognition in Mike’s eyes. “Nice to meet you, again? I guess. I know you’re face, I have a bunch of photos from around here, hang on.”

 

Mike gets his phone out and hands it over to Donna and Harvey peers over her shoulder and frowns at what he sees. It’s a photo of him clearly busy working and Donna’s in the background at her desk, and posing in a dramatic fashion.

 

Donna grins. “I remember this, good to see you keep only the best photos Mike.”

 

Harvey notices Rachel is looking anywhere but at the conversation, and he can’t help but wonder exactly how awkward last night was for her. He remembers what Mike had told him last night and he puts on his negotiating face as he addresses her.

 

“Rachel there’s something I need to talk to you about, follow me.”

 

As he passes Mike, he notices he’s wearing one of his terrible skinny ties and it brings a smile to his face.

 

“At least you didn’t forget your bad taste in ties.”

 

Harvey doesn’t turn around to hear Mike’s response but he can feel the put upon offense anyway. He finds an empty conference room and waits for Rachel to close the door behind her.

 

“What is this about Harvey? I have to work on the Innocence Project case in a few minutes.”

 

Harvey shoves his hands in his pockets and faces her. “I know you said you would be fine living with Mike-”

 

“I am.” Rachel may be a lawyer in training, but her lying still needs some work.

 

“Mike isn’t.”

 

Rachel frowns and steps towards him. “What do you mean.”

 

Harvey sighs and prepares himself for a shouting match. “He started texting me last night, probably trying to get his memories back, but he said he was uncomfortable.”

 

Rachel throws her hands out in indignation. “Why would he be uncomfortable!?”

 

“How would you feel living with a complete stranger that believes your engaged and expects you to act like it? Besides you can’t tell me that him being there isn’t killing you too.”

 

Rachel steps back and turns away from him, and she’s crossed her arms in an attempt to hold herself together.

 

“Where would he go?”

 

Harvey knows that Rachel isn’t going to like what he has to say, but there’s really no avoiding right now.

 

“He asked to stay at my place.”

 

Rachel spins around, and instead of anger like Harvey expected she’s just hurt.

 

“Of course he did.” She sounds so defeated, and Harvey would try and comfort her if he knew that she would accept it.

 

“I can show you the message if you don’t believe me.”

 

Rachel sighs. “I believe you.”

 

“Then what’s the problem?”

 

Harvey can see a storm raging in Rachel’s eyes, and he knows he about to face the full brunt of it.  


“The problem?! The problem is that you love him, and he’s choosing you over me.”

 

Harvey feels like he’s been slapped and burned and he doesn't even know which part of that statement to latch onto.

 

“He’s not choosing me! He doesn’t even remember how he feels, it’s not his fault that he’s not fawning over you! Besides that ring on your finger is proof he chose you.”

 

Rachel stares down at the ring on her finger and lets out an empty laugh.

 

‘Fine I guess he’ll stay with you then.”

 

She turns to leave but stops in the doorway. She looks Harvey right in the eye, her eyes trying to convey a whole slew of messages.

 

“I wasn’t his first choice.”

 

*****

Mike holds out his tie and stares down at it, trying to figure out what’s wrong with it. It’s just a normal blue skinny tie, why doesn’t Harvey like it?

 

“He’s never liked skinny ties.” Donna informs him with a knowing smile.

 

“Why?”

 

Donna shrugs. “I’ve never asked, but he only mentions it to get a rise out of you.”

 

Mike wonders if there’s anything else that Harvey teases him about. He hopes Harvey is talking to Rachel about him moving out for a while.

 

“Hey Donna what's the deal with Harvey and Rachel?”

 

Donna gives him an odd look. “They're just stressed because they care about you.”

 

Mike leans forward. “Yeah I know that, but what aren't they telling me?”

 

Donna frowns at that. “Well Harvey is probably not telling you how close you two are, and Rachel might be avoiding the wedding topic.”

 

Mike nods but there's still something bothering him.

 

“Why don't they get along?”

 

Donna’s expression falters for half a second, but is quickly tamed. “There's a lot of variables to that answer, plus one of those reasons you didn't know before you lost your memory. In short it's not my place to say.”

 

Mike nods and accepts that he won't be getting any information until Harvey or Rachel tell him. His eyes drift over to the awesome corner office. It’s decorated with basketballs, baseballs, and records. How is that a lawyer's office?

 

“Can I go in?”

 

Donna raises a brow at that. “You stopped asking for permission a few years ago”

 

Mike nods and steps into the office, hoping it will somehow make something connect in his brain. The room is clearly familiar, but nothing concrete comes back, just a horrible headache. There’s a space on the wall and he can’t help but feel like something is missing from it. Shaking the thought from his head he steps up the windows and looks over the amazing view and wonders how many times he’s admired this view. The headache is slowly starting to kills him so he decides that a trip to the bathroom might be the best option. He leaves the office and as he meets Donna’s gaze she points down a hallway.

 

Mike quickly heads the way he was directed and tries to will the buzzing in his head to stop. He passes by a bullpen of cubicle desks and the sight of them awakens something in him. He feels the tears welling up in his eyes and his heart constricting before he knows why. Then a memory hits him like a collapsing wall of bricks.

 

_“You seem to live in this deluded world where you think that you can always win. Well sometimes you can’t. Bad things happen.” He stands up and starts throwing down case files in anger. “You gotta face the fact that life is gonna be this case, or this case or this case! Jessica lost! You lost! And there isn’t anything that any of us, including the great and powerful harvey Specter can do about it!”_

 

_Harvey stares at him with a steady gaze unmoving. “Go home. Now.”_

 

The memory of being so lost in grief and anger overwhelms him that he’s fallen to his knees leaning against a wall and he can’t stop crying. She’s dead. She’s dead and he _forgot_. How could he forget something like that? He really is an orphan now isn’t he? The memory itself is unsettling, because he doesn’t feel like he was there, it’s like he was watching it as a third party. But he knows it was him,, he remembers the feeling of just snapping and letting Harvey deal with the full force of his emotional tornado.

 

The sound of dress shoes hitting the floor and picking up speed as they approach him doesn’t do much to stop him from sobbing. There’s a solid hand on his shoulder, and the comforting presence just makes him cry more, he can’t help it.

 

“Donna!”

 

Harvey. Of course it's Harvey. How did he forgive him for yelling at him like that, at work no less? Right now Mike would take confusion and awkwardness over remembering things like this. At the sound of approaching heels, Harvey hauls him to his feet and then Donna and him guide Mike back to Harvey’s office and let him collapse on the couch. He buries his face in his hands in an attempt to get the tears to stop.

 

“Where's Rachel?” Donna asks as the sound of her heels stop.

 

“She left with Jessica to work on their case.”

 

“Mike what happened?” Harvey’s voice is so soft that MIke nearly doesn’t hear him.

 

“I remembered something. She’s dead. I yelled at you, and she’s dead.” Mike let’s out a shaky breath and gets himself under control.

 

Harvey wraps an arm around him and pulls him into a sideways hug. Mike rests his head on his shoulder and feels himself relax. They sit there for a while as they all wait for Mike calm down. After a few minutes Mike sits up and and wipes his eyes and shakes his head to clear his head.

 

“You know the last time this happened we both got high?” Harvey says absentmindedly.

 

Mike snorts at the absurd idea of getting high with his boss. The flicker of a memory crosses his mind, and he remembers that Harvey has the most open laugh when he’s high and that he gets weirdly open and depressing.

 

Donna stands up to the face the both of them.

 

“Do you think case files would trigger a memory?”

 

Mike looks between Donna and Harvey and sees that they’re waiting for his response. Would case files help? They’re written documents of his daily work, so there’s a chance if something significant to him is mentioned. But there’s also the risk of another painful memory surfacing. Harvey must sense is internal struggle, because the arm wrapped around him squeezes his shoulder reassuringly.

 

“It might?”

 

Donna nods and holds out a hand to pull Mike to his feet. He takes it and she leads him out of the office and towards the file room.  When they get there Mike is amazed by the sheer amount of files. As Donna pulls him through the rows and rows of shelves flickers of a memory play in his mind. The feelings of grief, and physical touch, and avoiding emotional problems with sex. It’s like the first memory where there’s a weird disconnect like it didn’t really happen to him, but to someone else and he just happens to know about it. He knows this is where he and Rachel fooled around for the first time. Classy. Does he have a habit of dealing with emotional turmoil with sex?

 

Donna hands boxes to him as they make their way through the room, and then picks up a few herself when she sees that Mike’s arm capacity is full. They make their way back to the offices and Mike sees that one of the boxes he has is from 2011. He hopes paperwork for corporate law cases from 5 years ago will help him, but he’s starting to doubt it. Donna leads him to an office and Mike stops when he sees his name and rank on the glass wall. He shakes his head and walks into the office and sits down at the desk. Donna gives his shoulder a pat and leaves him to it.

 

Mike isn’t sure how long he spends going through paperwork, but he’s halfway through the first file when he realises that his eidetic memory hasn’t forgotten written things, just the context for it. As he’s reading through his cases he starts predicting all the future information and quickly figures out that he knows all of the mundane details of these cases, he just can’t remember working on them. He knows every name and date and location, but he doesn’t remember doing the work and it is the most frustrating feeling in the world. A knocking at his door catches his attention. There’s a short man with a balding spot, wearing a suit standing in his doorway and Mike is pretty sure he featured in some of the work photos on his phone.

 

“So it’s true, I thought Harvey was messing with me.” The man says.

 

“Uh...Does Harvey usually mess with you?”

 

The man laughs, and approaches Mike’s desk with a hand held out.

“Louis Litt.”

 

Mike shakes it. “Oh you’re one of the name partners! But I guess I already knew that...heh.”

 

Louis leans on Mike’s desk and frowns at him in concern. Mike’s never enjoyed being scrutinised like this, but he holds his tongue and waits it out.

 

“I can only imagine how Batman is coping without Robin.”

 

Mike’s eyebrows raise at that. “Harvey said I was the only one that thought of us like that.”

 

Louis scoffs. “Oh please, anyone that saw the two of you knew you were package deal. The real power couple around here.”

 

Mike grins at that, he’d always wanted to be part of an awesome duo like all the movies and books he enjoyed growing up.

 

Louis stands up to leave. “I hope you get better Mike, and if you need anything I’m just down the hall. Mike watches him go, and wonders what their dynamic was. He’s shaken from his thoughts by knuckles rapping on his glass wall. It startles Mike and he jumps a little bit as he looks up to see Harvey leaning in his doorway looking like he belongs there.

 

“Louis didn’t bother you too much did he?” The smirk on Harvey’s face suggests that Louis bothering him wouldn’t be out of the blue.

 

“No, in fact he sounded worried about you,” Harvey’s face scrunches up and Mike can’t stop the smug smirk that graces his face, “apparently you’re lost without me. How will you go on?”

 

Harvey rolls his eyes at his theatrics, and gestures at the files on the desk. “Any luck?”

 

Mike shrugs. “Not really. I actually haven’t forgotten the paperwork, every word is still etched into my brain, I just don’t remember anything that _isn’t_ the words.”

Harvey frowns and sighs. “Would a lunch break help?”

 

Mike’s out of his chair at the mention of food. “Well we won’t know if we don’t try.”

 

That gets a laugh out of Harvey and he leads the way to a hotdog cart. Once they have their hotdogs they find a bench to sit down at and Mike takes in the city street as he eats.

 

“Shouldn’t a lawyer be eating fancy food?” Mike asks turning to Harvey.

 

“Sure when we’re with clients and we’re keeping up appearances. But hotdogs are the American way and they’re right outside the building.”

 

Mike nods. “You make a compelling argument.”

 

Harvey smiles. “I talked to Rachel. She wasn’t happy to say the least, but you’re staying at my place until further notice.”

 

Mike tenses at the mention of Rachel being unhappy, and he notices that Harvey isn’t telling him something. He can see Harvey mentally building barriers around himself, and he doesn’t like that one bit.

 

“What else did she say?”

 

Harvey pauses, clearly choosing his words carefully. “She’s upset, because you’re choosing me over her,” he holds up his hand to stop Mike cutting in, “I already told her that that wasn’t the case.”

 

That sounds an awful lot like Rachel is jealous and doesn’t trust him. Does she have a good reason to? Has Mike cheated on her before? Or is this about Harvey? Because Mike can understand that, Harvey is easy on the eyes and clearly very successful. Mike must’ve tried to get with Harvey at some point right? Maybe Rachel had a point.

 

“Do you have a guestroom, or am I going to be sleeping on a fancy couch?”

 

Harvey’s nose scrunches at the idea of Mike sleeping on a couch. “I have a guestroom, you’ve used it before.”

 

Mike perks up at that. “Really? Why? Did I get super drunk at work party or something?”

 

Harvey avoids eye contact. “You needed to get away for a while, and I was all you had.”

 

That was the most blatant avoidance Mike had ever seen. Clearly whatever Mike needed to get away from it was bad or uncomfortable enough that Harvey really doesn’t want to bring it up. Mike let’s it slide, since it might be another shitty memory, and one of those is enough for one day.

 

“What am i supposed to do until I get my memories back?” He doesn’t mean to say it, but it’s out there now.

 

“You just focus on getting your memories back, and we’ll support you until that happens.” Harvey sounds so sure of himself that he nearly convinces Mike.

 

“What if I never remember.” It’s barely a whisper, but Harvey doesn’t miss it.

 

“That won’t happen.”

 

Mike frowns. “You don’t know that. Do I just go back to being a bike messenger?”

 

Harvey’s gritting his teeth and not meeting Mike’s eyes. “We’ll figure something out. We always do.”

 

Mike closes his eyes and tries to remember any of the times he’s figured something out with Harvey. There’s memories flying around in the back of his mind, but they’re behind a shrouded curtain and Mike can’t make any meaning of them. He’s giving himself a headache and he’s got nothing to show for it.

 

“Every time one of you mentions something I should clearly remember I get so frustrated, because it’s right there in my mind but I can’t grasp it and it’s driving me crazy!” Mike opens his eyes and sees a pained look in Harvey’s eyes.

 

“I’m sorry Mike.”

 

Mike’s not sure why that apology bothers him, but it does. It’s not that harvey is apologising, but it’s what he’s apologising for. He remembers how Harvey said that Mike being in prison was his fault.

 

“Why do you blame yourself for this?”

 

The question clearly takes Harvey by surprise and he visibly shuts himself off from the situation. Mike just stares at him and waits for an answer.

 

“You once asked me why I hired you. You asked why I would do that to you. At the time I said I did it for you, but you were right I did this to you. Hiring you caused you so much grief, but you were enjoying it so much and I could see you becoming a great lawyer and I wanted to see you become better than me, and I couldn’t let you go. I should’ve made you leave earlier. I tried to convince you to let me take the fall for you, but you decided to go to prison and you lost your memory because of a guy I put away.”

 

Mike notices that Harvey's eyes are shining with barely held back tears and he can't stop himself from hugging the man. Harvey makes a startled sound, but he doesn't push him away.

 

“I don't blame you now, and I'm sure I never blamed you before.”

 

Harvey lets out a choked laugh.

 

“You don't know that.”

 

Mike pulls away from the hug to look him in the eye.

 

“I believe it.”

 


	4. You Just Feel Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always love hearing your reactions so don't be afraid to leave a comment

On the car ride home Harvey almost forgets that Mike has amnesia. They’re sitting side by side in the town car wearing their usual suits after a long day of work. It’s almost normal. Harvey glances at Mike and notices him staring out the window clearly trying to recognise the route they’re driving, and that’s what reminds Harvey of their situation.

 

“Why’d you wear a suit today?”

 

Mike turns to look at him, then down at his suit. “Rachel said doing what I usually do might help me remember.”

 

Harvey nods, that makes sense.

 

“Is this what I usually do? Visit your place I mean.”

 

Harvey’s not sure how to answer that, because Mike has visited him for many reasons, and a lot of them differ.

 

“Sometimes, usually when something’s wrong. Things go wrong a lot for you.”

 

Mike snorts. “Some things never change,” Mike’s eyes are searching Harvey for something, “how close are we?”

 

“What?”

 

Mike rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean Harvey. You said you tried to take the fall for me, and that’s more than anyone has ever done for me as far as I know. So what are you to me?”

 

Affection threatens to spill from Harvey’s mouth, but he holds his mouth shut as he makes up his mind. How does Mike perceive him? They have been more than friends for a long time, but this is the first time anyone’s forced Harvey to face the truth of it.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Mike frowns. “How can you not know?! You’ve known me for five years! Donna was right, you really don’t want to admit that we’re friends.”

 

Harvey wishes Donna was here so he could yell at her. Of course Mike was smart enough to ask around about him. He’s grateful that Donna didn’t mention his glaring crush, because he really couldn’t face that, not with the chance of Mike remembering everything and hating him for it later.

 

“I don’t know, because I don’t know how  _ you _ perceive us. I was your boss and your mentor and we were partners in crime, literally, and you kept trying to force your friendship on me. I caved. You really know how to get under someone’s skin.”

 

Mike’s grinning so hard Harvey’s a little worried his face is gonna split in two. Last time he saw that smile was probably anytime early on when Mike won a case.

 

“I melted your heart of ice.”

 

Harvey rolls his eyes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night rookie.”

 

Once they reach Harvey’s building they ride the elevator in companionable silence as Mike studies the small area searching for familiarities. The elevator reaches Harvey’s floor and they make their way to the front door. Harvey enters his condo and stops on his way to the kitchen when he realises Mike has stopped following him. Harvey turns around and finds Mike frozen mid step with his eyes unfocused. Harvey approaches him carefully, and notices that Mike’s icy blue eyes are flicking from left to right like he’s reading something. Mike’s eyes focus and the sadness and confusion in his eyes pains Harvey.

 

“I punched you,” Mike’s voice is broken and he sounds horrified with himself, “I kept hitting you and you didn’t even hit back, you didn’t try to stop me. Why?”

 

Harvey doesn’t meet his eyes, he can’t. That night has been on his mind for weeks and Mike never brought it up until now. How does he tell him that he felt so guilty over all of this that he needed Mike to hit him. How does he explain to a guy that doesn’t remember him, that the idea of losing him pushed him over the line. He can’t go over this again.

 

Harvey turns his face away from Mike to look out the window and avoid seeing the pain in those blue eyes.

 

“Am I a bad person?” Mike’s voice wavers and breaks, and the sound of it is clawing at Harvey’s heart.

 

“No. You’re a good person Mike. You’re better than me.”

Harvey risks looking at him, and catches Mike frowning in confusion.

 

“Then why did you let me hit you?”

 

Harvey sighs and turns away walking into the kitchen to get them both a drink. Mike follows and sits down at a bar stool. Harvey slides a glass of water over to him.

 

“You had a taken a deal to do two years in prison so no one else would have to. I was trying to get you to change your mind so I riled you up, pressed til it hurt and you snapped.”

 

Mike shakes his head. “But why did you let me hit you?”

 

Harvey stares at the ceiling, because he’s been trying not to think about that for a while now. 

 

“I deserved it. I needed you to hate me for all of this, and you refused to. So I tried to convince you that you’d be too weak for prison and I provoked you into hitting me.”

 

Harvey hears a sniffle, and that is not okay. He decides to throw his pride out the window and sits himself down next to Mike, pulling him into an awkward hug.  He rubs his back and tries to be comforting, but comforting is not Harvey’s strong suit at all.

 

Mike lets out a startled watery laugh and Harvey looks at him, hoping he hasn’t lost his mind. Mike controls his laughter and wraps his arms around Harvey.

 

“You don’t hug people much do you?”

 

Any other time with any other person Harvey would make a quip or fign offence, but he just laughs. Mike staying with him, was supposed to make him more comfortable, not upset him further, and Harvey will be damned if he doesn’t do everything within his power to make Mike happy.

 

“You have a habit of making me do things I wouldn’t usually do.” Harvey says as he stands up to go through his collection of takeout menus. 

 

Mike perks up. “Like what?”

 

Harvey hands Mike a menu for a pizza place. “Don’t you want to find out as you remember?”

 

Mike’s eyes light up at the pizza menu. “I have a feeling it will be more fun to get you to admit these things to me yourself.”

 

They place their order and decide to watch movies for the evening, and they happily quote along with them as they go. It’s better than old times, because they never really had the time to relax like this, all their usual get togethers were shrouded with work and fear of being caught. But now they’re lounging on Harvey’s couch with their suits’ rumpled and ties loosened without a care in the world and Harvey thinks this may be heaven.

 

“What’s it like?” Harvey’s guard is down and so are his inhibitions.

 

“What?”

 

“Remembering.”

 

Mike takes a while to actually formulate an answer to this. “Sometimes it’s just a feeling, and I won’t know why I’m feeling it. Then I’ll remember why I was feeling that way and sometimes I’ll remember events. It’s usually just a feeling.”

 

Harvey considers this. “Do you have any feeling about me?”

 

Mike quirks a brow and laughs, but it fades away as he thinks about it. “Safety? I guess. I don’t know, I don’t remember ever doing anything with you, or any conversation or anything. You just feel safe.”

 

Harvey feels his heart swell with pride and knows that his smile is betraying his feelings, so he turns back to the movie and decides to shut up about the topic for the time being.

 

Two boxes of pizza and three movies later, Mike is nearly passing out on the couch. Harvey can’t help but find it endearing, because it reminds him of Mike’s first year when he was still getting used to pulling all nighters. Harvey stands up and pulls Mike to his feet, guiding him with a hand on the small of his back, to the guest room.

 

As they pass through the doorway Mike freezes. Harvey thinks he must’ve stubbed his toe or something, but Mike turns around and Harvey sees that awful sign of Mike remembering something bad. He has a feeling he knows what it is, based on where they are.

 

“I’ve slept in here before.”

 

Harvey nods and watches as Mike pieces together fragments of memories, and tears form in those impossible blue eyes.

 

“She cheated on me.”

 

Harvey grits his teeth at the memory, he had never really forgiven Rachel for that, that’s why he brought it up during Mike’s mock trial. He bites his tongue and nods to give Mike the reassurance he needs that his memories are true.

 

“W-why did I stay with her?” 

 

Mike doesn’t expect an answer, because his tears start falling at a faster rate and he’s just shaking his head while he stares at the ground. Harvey tentatively steps forward and pulls Mike into him. Mike cries into his shoulder, and Harvey sways them from side to side in a calming motion. He doesn’t know how long they stand there like that, and Harvey can’t find it in himself to care.

 

“I’m sorry.” Mike breaths out so quietly that Harvey nearly misses it.

 

He frowns. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

 

Mike shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to deal with me crying on you.”

 

Mike clearly believes that, and Harvey can’t have that. “Mike. I want you to stay here, you’re not a burden to me, alright? I knew this would be rough, you have  _ amnesia _ ! Please don’t blame yourself for this.”

 

Mike laughs sardonically. “Only if you can promise the same.”

 

Harvey meets Mike’s eyes and finds the determination and defiance he fell in love with all those years ago and he know that neither of them are going to stand down from this. Harvey shakes his head and walks backwards out of the room.

 

“You know I can’t do that Mike.”

 

Mike’s lips quirk up a fraction. “I don’t know that.”

 

Harvey doesn’t know what to say to that, because it’s true. Mike doesn’t know Harvey, he just knows about him. So instead of saying anything he turns away from Mike and heads to bed. Harvey can’t find sleep easily with Mike’s uncertainty of their relationship playing on his mind.The problem is Harvey isn’t sure he wants Mike to remember, because Mike was not happy to see him during visitation. Harvey forces himself to get some sleep and hopes that tomorrow will be better.


	5. The Truth Would Be Nice

When Mike wakes up he’s not sure where he is, because he has never had sheets this soft in his life. As he sits up and looks around he recognises Harvey’s guest room. He spots a pile of folded clothes on a chair across the room that wasn’t there the night before. Mike gets to put them on and the way that the clothes hang off his frame he knows these are Harvey’s. The telltale buzzing of a memory rumbles through his skull demanding his attention. Mike forces himself to wake up and chase after that memory.

 

_ His suit was ruined and he had a client meeting. What was he supposed to do? Donna will have a solution she always has a solution. One internalised panic and advice from Donna later and Mike finds himself wearing Harvey’s spare suit and rushing to the client meeting. Harvey makes fun of him for it and asks where vest for the suit is, and Mike in turn mocks the concept of three piece suits. _

 

The memory makes Mike smile and huff out a laugh. How did he get away with wearing his boss’s suit, and to a client meeting no less? Probably, because Harvey gets endless amusement out of him. Mike straightens out his clothes as he shakes off the memory and makes his way to the kitchen. He stops short at the huge pack of redbull cans on the counter.

 

“Uh, as much as I understand the need for a pick me up in the morning isn’t this a bit excessive?”

 

Harvey turns away from the stove where he is busy cooking something that smells amazing.

 

“They’re for you.”

 

MIke’s eyebrows jump. “Are you trying to kill me with a caffeine overdose?”

 

Harvey smiles and turns away. “I don’t approve of those toxic concoctions, but you used to drink them all the time during your first few years. I thought it might help.”

 

Mike giggles as he sits down at the breakfast bar and eyes the stacks of energy drinks.

 

“This is by far the weirdest show of affection I’ve ever received.”

 

Harvey laughs. “You clearly don't remember any of the times Louis tried to woo you.”

 

Mike has the quickest memory of a mud bath and shudders. Harvey catches the movement out of his peripheral vision and quickly finishes up cooking to turn his attention to Mike. he slides a plate with a couple omelettes on it towards Mike and leans over the counter to stare him down.

 

“You’re remembering things.”

 

Mike nods and digs into his breakfast. “Not a lot of concrete memories, just brief things here and there. Like the time I wore your suit.”

 

Harvey grins. “You looked ridiculous and our client noticed.”

 

Mike ducks his head. “Sorry.”

 

“I didn’t let them know that though. I stood by your terrible fashion choices, how do you think I’ve coped with your skinny ties all these years?”

 

They eat their breakfast in comfortable silence, and Mike has a strong sense of deja vu. A memory flickers to life.

 

_ “All I am to you anymore is a clean set of sheets.” _

 

Mike snorts at the memory of Harvey pouting, and just shakes his head when Harvey gives him a questioning look. They finish up their breakfast and Mike asks what the plan for the weekend is.

 

“We're going to the Chilton Hotel.”

 

Mike perks up and wiggles his eyebrows “A romantic getaway?”

 

To anyone else it would look like Harvey didn't react to that statement but Mike notices the slight tension and avoidance of eye contact. He's found somewhere to press until it hurts.

 

“Hardly. It should jog your memory.” Harvey's voice is clipped as he heads out the door with Mike following close behind.

 

“What did we ever do at a hotel? Am I your mistress?”

 

They were in the elevator now so Harvey couldn't hide from that statement. Mike's watching him closely and he notices the odd mix of fear and hope. Did they ever have a thing?

 

“I'd have to be with someone for you to be a mistress.”

 

Mike grins. “You're right that makes you  _ my  _ mistress.”

 

Harvey clearly chooses not to acknowledge that and exits the elevator silently. Mike thinks he's looking in the right place for what Harvey isn't telling him. A warm feeling in his chest keeps growing with all this teasing and generally being around Harvey, so Mike decides it must be a good thing.

 

The drive to the Chilton Hotel is uneventful and when they arrive Harvey checks in with administration while Mike looks around. There's a strong sense of significance to this place, but Mike can't quite figure out why. Harvey appears at his side and stats leading him up the stair well.

 

“You might not remember things well since the circumstances were very specific last time you were here.”

 

Mike still can't figure out why he would be here with Harvey if it wasn't for being discreet about their potential relationship. He is really starting to like the idea of having a thing with Harvey, he's good looking and surprisingly sweet. The warm feeling in his chest returns and Mike realises this isn't a new feeling. This is what a long term harboured crush feels like. How long has he been crushing on his boss? Does Harvey know?

 

Mike is interrupted from his thoughts when Harvey leads them into a fancy conference room. Memories of adrenaline and desperation spark in his mind as they wander through the lobby into the main interview room. Mike remembers a sense of dread followed by confusion and relief. Then the whole interview plays in his mind. He was such an idiot.

 

“I dropped a case of weed right in front of you.” Mike's aware of how horrified he sounds.

 

Harvey is smirking. “Yes you did.”

 

Mike shakes his head and frowns at Harvey in disbelief. “You hired me anyway.”

 

Harvey nods. “I did.”

 

Objectively Harvey is a smart man and yet he made this stupid decision and Mike can’t wrap his head around that.Mike steps towards him. “Why?”

 

With a shrug Harvey answers.  “You impressed me.”

 

Mike grabs his shoulders. “That doesn't explain why you made the stupid decision of hiring a fraud. Don't you regret it?”

 

Harvey avoids eye contact. “I knew I'd regret  _ not  _ hiring you. I was right.”

 

Mike shakes his head and laughs. “No wonder I... feel indebted to you.”

 

Mike steps away and avoids Harvey's scrutinising gaze. Harvey clearly wasn't aware of Mike's feelings and he's suddenly feeling very lost. He's standing at a cross road and without his memory he's not sure which way he wants to go. Had these feelings developed before or after he got engaged? That’s the other issue, his engagement. Does Rachel know how he feels? Thinking about it he can't understand how he is engaged to her when he has this burning feeling of affection and love for the man that is currently trying to figure him out via staring. 

 

“Mike?”

 

“Let's get lunch.”

 

Mike hopes the food will be enough to give him time to figure this out. But even bagels from a food cart don't provide him with enough time to figure out this flaming attraction. It's time to bite the bullet and just ask the man.

 

“Harvey how do you feel about me?”

 

Seeing Harvey Spectre nearly choke on his lunch creates an odd sense of smug delight that Mike cannot help the slight upturn of his lips. Harvey quickly regains his composure and builds up his emotional walls before responding.

 

“Why do you want to know?”

 

Mike ignores the edge to that response and presses on. “I know where I stand with everyone else, but you’re still illuding me. You’re my boss and my best friend, but I know there’s more to it and I need to know.”

 

Mike holds eye contact with Harvey for the longest couple of seconds of his life. There’s a storm of emotions happening in Harvey’s eyes, but the man is refusing to acknowledge it. Harvey doesn’t meet his eyes as he answers and Mike isn’t sure he can believe him.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

 

Mike scoffs. “The truth would be nice.”

 

Harvey braces himself and takes the time to choose his words carefully. “You are the one person I’ve trusted the most and actually opened up to in my life. You’ve seen me at my best, but who hasn’t. The difference with you is that you've seen me at my worst, and you’ve seen that more than I’d allow anyone to see. I once said you were family to me and I meant it. I don’t know what you’re hoping to hear, but that’s all there is to it.”

 

Mike was watching Harvey carefully through that whole speech and the most prevalent thing he saw was genuine happiness. Mike knows if he never gets his memories back he won’t be able to cope if he doesn’t know the truth.

 

“Harvey, did we ever date?” Mike barely splutters that out as he watches for Harvey’s reaction.

 

Despite being practiced lawyer and poker player Harvey’s face gives away his cards. His mouth hangs open in shock but there’s no sign of anger anywhere. The rest of Harvey’s emotions are too jumbled in his face for Mike to get a read on them, but he  knows this isn’t a negative reaction.

 

Harvey goes into lawyer mode before answering, straight face and intimidating posture. “Why would you think that?”

 

“Oh I don’t know Harvey, maybe because you clearly mean more to me than my actual fiancee. Or how about because you basically just told me I’m the most important person to you. What was I supposed to think?”

 

Harvey looks distressed to say the least, but he’s clearly not going to back down. Mike braces himself for some scathing remarks, but he’s saved by Harvey’s phone ringing. Harvey pulls out his phone to check the ID and answers.

 

“Jessica?”

 

Mike looks away from Harvey while he talks to his boss and waits for the conversation to end. He’s not sure if he’s glad their argument got interrupted or not. What he does know is that he never had something with Harvey, but that doesn’t mean that either them didn’t want that.

 

Harvey hangs up and turns to face Mike. “I have to get back to work, but this conversation isn’t over. I’ll see you at home.”

 

Mike watches him go. Home. That’s what Harvey is to him,a safe place where he can be himself without a care in the world. Mike can’t quite fight away the feeling that he may have just ruined the most important thing in his life.

  
  



	6. Don't Say Things Like That. Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been so long exams happened

Harvey strides back into work with a forced look of calm and collected. His heart is beating a mile a minute and he can’t keep his mind under control. After Mike bringing up Harvey’s not quite platonic feelings and Mike’s interpretation of everything has Harvey on the brink of a panic attack. He thought he’d gotten past this inconvenient reaction to distressing situations but clearly not. As he makes his way to his office Donna catches his eye and immediately reads the situation. She follows him into his office where Harvey stands facing the city with his back to her.

 

“What happened? Is Mike okay?” Donna is obviously keeping her voice calm and soothing for Harvey’s sake.

 

“Mike’s fine. He’s remembering things.”

 

Donna approaches him so that she’s standing by his side. No doubt she’s trying to read his face.

 

“That’s good right?”

 

Harvey laughs bitterly. “I can’t take his word on anything he’s saying right now. I don’t know how much context he has and it’s killing me.”

 

There’s a pause as Donna pieces together what Harvey just revealed. “He thinks he loves you.”

 

She meets Harvey’s eyes and the hurt look there tells her the truth. She gasps. “He thinks you love him.”

 

Harvey nods and heads over to his desk to work on the files Jessica has left for him. Despite Harvey clearly getting down to work Donna hasn’t left yet.

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

Harvey considers his options. He should deny everything at every turn, because Mike is with Rachel and when he remembers everything he’ll come back to his senses. But Harvey doesn’t want to do that. No he wants to throw caution to the wind and enjoy the thing he’s wanted for so long. He’s not sure what’s worse at this point, suffering in silence as Mike declares his feelings for him or finally getting to love Mike the way he wants only to be rejected once his memories return.

 

“I’ll deal with it.”

 

Donna nods and leaves his office, she wants to say more but she knows Harvey is too stubborn to listen.

 

*****

 

Harvey heads home that evening earlier than he would on a normal day. As he rides up the elevator to his loft he can’t help but worry over Mike. Is he mad? Is he even going to be in the apartment? What if he’s run away? Harvey doesn’t realise he’s hyperventilating until the elevator stops. He leans against the wall and goes through the breathing exercises that Dr Agard taught him. Once he’s calmed himself down he walks into his apartment and tries to get his hands to stop shaking.

 

The smell of a delicious tomato based sauce catches his nose as he approaches the kitchen. The scent is delicious and its source looks amazing. Harvey freezes at the sight of his breakfast bar adorned with a candle and two plates of what appears to be spaghetti bolognese. Mike is standing behind the counter ringing his hands nervously as he stares at Harvey eagerly.

 

“What is all this?”

 

Mike chuckles nervously and rubs his neck. “I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here. So I made you dinner.”

 

Harvey’s unnerved by how domestic all of this and he’s fairly certain he’s never been in a situation like this. But he doesn’t want to upset Mike so he smiles and thanks him. They both sit down and dig into their respective dishes.

 

“This is really good Mike, I didn’t know you knew how to cook.”

 

Mike frowns, “I lived alone for a few years right?”

 

Harvey smirks and rebuts. “And if I remember correctly you lived off take out.”

 

Mike rolls his eyes. “Oh har har. I’m sure I would’ve cooked more if I had you around to impress.”

 

Harvey freezes. He’d been aware of Mike’s desire to impress him when he was an associate that needed to prove himself, but this was something else. Mike wants to impress him in a domestic context, and Harvey knows what that means.

 

“Mike-”   
  


Mike flinches clearly anticipating this response. “What is harmless flirting really that big a problem to you?”

 

Harvey sighs braces himself against Mike’s defiant scowl. “You’re engaged Mike.”   
  


“Well it doesn’t feel like it.”

 

Harvey stands up and paces over to his floor to ceiling windows so he doesn’t have to look at Mike. “That’s because you can’t remember how you feel right now.”

 

Harvey hears Mike stand up too. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I know how I feel okay? Sure I definitely had feelings for Rachel at one point and I still do on some level, but they’re nothing compared to what I feel for you.”

 

“You don’t even remember me!” Harvey yells. He’s facing Mike now and he can see the anger and desperation in those blue eyes of his.

 

Mike steps into his personal space, his entire body tense with frustration. “I remember feeling safe around you. I remember you taking a chance on me when anyone with common sense wouldn’t have. I remember that you got high with me to cheer me up. I remember you letting me stay here when Rachel betrayed me. I remember you fighting me because you couldn’t stand the idea of me risking myself for you,” Mike’s out of breath from his rant but he’s not done yet, “and even without these memories I have this feeling in my gut that you are the most important person to me and I don't’ have an explanation for that.”

 

Harvey’s avoiding Mike’s eyes because he caught a glimpse of a tear and he couldn’t deal with that.

 

“Mike how I feel doesn’t matter. You’re engaged to the woman you love and soon you’ll remember that.”

 

Mike whispers almost too quiet to hear. “What if I don’t.”

Harvey grabs Mike’s shoulders to make sure he actually hears this. “I am not getting involved with you when you’re like this Mike. Even if you were single I would feel like I’m taking advantage and I never want to do that to you.”

 

Mike frowns and steps away heading for the door. “I guess I should find somewhere else to stay then. It’ll be better for the both of us.”

 

As Mike turns his back on him Harvey feels his heart claw its way up his throat and his knees give out. His collapse must’ve made a sound because Mike is right by him in a second. Harvey can’t hear anything he’s got tunnel vision and a hammering in his ears. He’s desperately trying to control his breathing when a glass of water enters his vision. He takes it with shaking hands and drinks it in one go. He leans into the comforting hand on his back and scrunches his eyes shut. Looks like the doctor was right, he has abandonment issues.

 

“People don’t leave you.” Mike is whispering like he’s somewhere far away.

 

“What?”

 

Mike shakes his head and focuses on Harvey. “Are you okay? I thought you’d stopped having those!”

 

Harvey sits himself up against the nearest chair and laughs bitterly. “So did I. Wait, you remember me having panic attacks?”

 

Mike’s wide eyed and laughing shakily. “Of course I do! I thought you were having a heart attack that time it happened in your office, I thought you were going to die! But no you managed to intimidate a guy out of your office while barely holding it together. You’re really something else.”

 

Harvey sighs. “You can still leave if you want to, I don’t want this to guilt you into staying.”

 

“You want me to stay don’t you?” There’s a teasing lilt to Mike’s voice and Harvey can almost pretend things are normal again.

 

“I should get ready for you to leave when you’re memories come back anyway.” Harvey grumbles while standing himself up.

Mike steadies him as he gets to his feet. “I don’t know I might want to stay forever.”

 

Harvey’s breath catches in his throat. “Don’t say things like that. Please.”

 

Mike tilts his head. “Why not? Can’t cope with the idea of me having romantic feelings for you?” MIke’s bitterness drips into all his words.

 

Harvey sighs and shakes his head. “No. Because you’re getting my hopes up for something I can’t have.”


End file.
